So, I write for money. I string words together for cash. I also type for joy. I refuse to admit that I’m procrastinating a novel.
I worked as Xtra West newspaper’s monthly queer and kinky sex columnist 2002 – 2006. I wrote several full length feature articles on sexuality during that time, plus other articles and columns.
I’m a writer of erotic short fiction. (scroll down for an exciting look at the covers) I’ve been anthologized in the following books: Best Bondage Erotica 2, The Best of Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica 2005, Hot Lesbian Erotica 2005, With a Rough Tongue: Femmes Write Porn, Best Lesbian Erotica 1998, Best Lesbian Erotica 2001, Exact Fare Only II, The Best of Best Lesbian Erotica, Skin Deep 2: More Real-Life Lesbian Sex…, Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity. Plus various periodicals and websites.
I was the Publisher & Managing Editor, Diversity Magazine (pansexual, pornographic, perverted and political.) 1994 – 1997.
And once upon a queer time, I was submissions editor for Lezzie SMUT! magazine, 1993.
Here’s some writing stuff in the old site format:
Here’s where I’m moving stuff to:
Here’s some of the books within the pages of which I’ve been published. I’d be pretty happy if you’d buy these books using these links, since then some portion of the bucks comes to me, and I can always use bucks.
|Best Bondage Erotica 2
More info: Cleis site
|The Best of Best Lesbian Erotica|
|Best Lesbian Erotica 2005||Hot Lesbian Erotica 2005||With a Rough Tongue: Femmes Write Porn|
|Best Lesbian Erotica 1998||Best Lesbian Erotica 2001||Exact Fare Only II|
|The Best of Best Lesbian Erotica||Skin Deep 2: More Real-Life Lesbian Sex…||Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity|
Because I write professionally, I don’t put most of my work (especially full-length fiction) online here, as it can damage its resale value by making it “published”.
These pieces, I’m afraid, are either (1) the “tramps” of my writing collection, having already appeared many places and already earned their keep, or (2) poetry or poetic prose, in which genre I consider myself happily non-professional.
I Know You Are But What Am I
One of my first tries at original song lyrics. I think I muffed the scansion a bit, but Megan sings it awful nicely.
Defining Dyke Sex
I can’t. Can you?
You’ve heard of murderers getting off on the homosexual panic defence? Well, welcome to…Heterosexual Panic
There Must Be More Than One Way To Worm a Cat
One author’s trials and risk of life and limb.
Pondering Party Pussy Problems
If you’ve ever wondered exactly to which lengths a cat is willing to go in order to be near his humans, read on…
Sex Kitten. I think it explains itself quite well.
How to Make Your Own Dil Harness
Sick of paying $70 for a harness that chafes in all the wrong places? Here’s instructions to do-it-yourself, with a result so comfy you can sleep in it! She’ll love you for it!
Now this ain’t sayin’ I’m cheap, but I’m Scots through and through, and when I can make a whip for almost nothing, it pains me to pay someone $150 for the same product. Here’s directions for the marginally craft-enabled.
Sexuality, Gender, and Labels, Oh My! – Elaine’s Token Bisexual Piece or: Bisexual Bygones.
Women on Wheels Reading (The one that never got a title.)
One Woman’s Boot Fetish – It’s a Dyke Thing.
We’re so familiar with the model foot/shoe fetishist being your heterosexual male with a passionate thing for ladies’ high heels, that I think we ignore the possibility of other shoe fetish genres. Here’s this grrl’s boot fetish.
A Short Explanation of BDSM, Outrageously Simplified and Scandalously Scant.
Part One of Three in the series “BDSM and Background Checks”
This article is meant as an informational and exploratory supplement to the next two articles in the series. Experienced players may skip this, or read on to see if I’ve slaughtered the language in my usual fashion.
Should New Lovers Come With Written Credentials? A Why-for on Background Checks, in the Kinky Lifestyle.
Part Two of Three in the series “BDSM and Background Checks”
Ever think your new lover should have come with written references and a security check? As any single woman without a black belt and a .45 can tell you, ordinary dating can be a dangerous lifestyle. And BDSM can complicate things further. Read on…
“A Kinky Report Card? Well, he failed his Orals!” When you’re asked to spill the beans on a old lover – A How-to on Background Checks in the Kinky Lifestyle.
Part Three of Three in the series “BDSM and Background Checks”
Things That Make The Whole Darn Thing Worthwhile
Written (circa 1990) in response to a friend’s plaintive wail “But what is there to live for?”, this is a rather silly list of the top 150 or so.
Life is a Boat – #1 in the Analogies From Hell Series
Author’s note: I have an unfortunate bent towards analogy in philosophy – this was written somewhere in my twenties, and is the first in the Analogies From Hell series.
Life is a Stewpot
Second in my Analogies From Hell series — This is really a bad habit, don’t you think?
Mad Elaine’s Rules of Thumb or, “Seems to Work So Far”
At the beginning of time, there were the Ten Commandments. Now, there is a set of statements not nearly so pedantic. Care to argue?
Gaydar (GAY’-dar) From: gay radar, or the mythical seventh, eighth or ninth sense that homosexuals use to identify each other in public spaces, without the use of rainbow flag patches, earring placement or hanky codes.
Body Hair, Hirsute Women, and my Mother
I shave my legs. I trim my bikini line when I feel like it. And my armpit hair grows in a luxuriant way, unfettered and unclipped…. Mother didn’t like it.
“You don’t understand.” I said. “I can’t go see a therapist. I have Therapaphobia. I have so many issues with therapists, that I’d have to go to a second therapist to deal with the issues from seeing the first one….”
Goth Grrl in a Country-Western Bar
Sometimes I live a little on the wild side, I admit it. But I’m still not sure why I agreed to take a ride out to Coquitlam, late at night after we were out at some of Vancouver’s roughest underground bars…
The Collected “Opinions By Joe” Articles - Appeared in Diversity Magazine 1994 – 1997.
Up To the Seventh Stage of “No”: (Oh, were those your testicles?)
I remember being a not-so-little girl of about 14 and having troubles saying “no”. Well, see the trouble was that I was told that I was supposed to say no, but I didn’t know how… Over and over again I got to the point where I was forced to back up my “no” …with physical force.
A bunch of ShortShorts (A List of Dirty Words, Your Trust, Femme and Beauty, A Top’s Safeword)
Family stuff — I was dating a particular sweet dyke at a time when her father perpetrated a monstrous injustice upon her. After much rage and reflection, I wrote this thankful piece: To My Own Family, but the first thing to come out was a bit more poisonous than that, and written to my lover’s father: Curse.
Music by Elaine Miller. Well, really it should be “A piece entitled “Music”, by Elaine Miller”
When two people are Just So Disgusting together.
Follow That Bus!
Published in Exact Fare II, and on CBC.ca.
From From FIST (nope, I’m not stuttering)
Spank. One of my very first fiction pieces.
A Femmeâ€™s List of Incidental Skills (Or: Things This Femme Can Do) Published in Brazen Femme.