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This page is part of an ongoing process of resource-gathering for participants at my workshops. They are here for thought-provoking reasons only -- I didn't write them.
-Elaine
Here are a couple of negotiation lists:
First: List from Screw the Roses, Send Me the
Thorns
Pre-scene Negotiation
Questionnaire
Part 1: General
information - check all that apply:
1) SM scene
experience:
a) novice b) experienced
2)
Sexual orientation:
a) heterosexual b) bicurious c) bisexual d)
lesbian/gay
3) Gender orientations:
a)
male b) female c) crossdresser d) transsexual
4)
Dominant:
a) always b) often c) rarely d) never
5) Submissive:
a) always b) often c) rarely d)
never
6) Masochistic:
a) very b)
somewhat c) hardly d) NO!
7)
Sadistic:
a) very b) somewhat c) hardly d) NO!
8) Main interest:
a) sensual - physical
(bottom/top)
b) psychosexual - mental (dominant/submissive role
play)
c) both are equally important
9)
Will play at:
a) anywhere
b) my house/apartment
c) outdoors
d) parties
e) SM clubs
f) public - near my house
g) public - a safe distance
from home
h) other places______
10)
Who can know of your activities?
a) I'm so discreet I don't even
know what I am doing.
b) Private play - only my partner needs to
know.
c) A few very trusted friends.
d) Other scene
people can know.
e) Willing to be open to all
11) How do you feel about other people in your
scenes?
a) I only play with myself.
b) just me and my
partner.
c) threesome
d) small groups
e)the
more the merrier
f) pre-approved people only
12) How do you feel about service (cleaning, errands,
etc.)?
a) I live to serve!
b) helping my Dominant in
little ways makes me feel good.
c) It is part of the fantasy,
but don't overdo it.
d) Exploitive nonsense, I will do what is
fun.
13) How do you feel about
punishment?
a) It is part of training and a right of the
Dominant.
b) Penalties for "disobedience" enhance the
fantasy.
c) It can be okay as an excuse to have fun.
d)
Pointless; mutual pleasure needs no justification
14) What bruises or body marks are acceptable?
a) NONE
b) Temporary redness
c) Occasional accidental bruises
d) I expect to carry souvenir bruises for a week
e) My
ass should look like a rope map of Chile!
Sample
role playing: Amazon, baby, barbarian, bitch-goddess,
boss,
burglar, child, clergy, cowgirl, daddy, doctor, evil
priestess, French maid,
Goddess, hooker, Indian, inquisitor,
interrogator, hero, kidnap victim,
knight, leather-macho, Master,
Mistress, Mentor, mommy, nun, nurse, rapist,
role reversal,
perils of Pauline, pet, pimp, pirate, policeman, ponygirl,
POW,
princess, principal, prisoner, puppy, sage, savage,
scientist,
secretary, sex object, sissy, slave, slave owner,
slut, student, suspect,
teacher, teen, torturer, victim, warrior,
wild beast and others
Roles I want to play
(using above list and own ideas):
Roles I want partner to play:
Fetishes (example: foot
worship, body types):
Wants and perceived needs:
Medical, physical, or emotional concerns (past
breaks, sprains,
chronic conditions, or phobias):
Limits:
Preferred Activities
How do you "feel" about the
activity,,,rate them,,,write: Yes, No, Maybe, Hard Limit, Soft Limit, or
anything that comes to mind after each word. Also rate them from a scale
of 0 to 5; 0 = NO, you will NOT do that under any circumstances,
1 = you will do it to please the Dominant,
2 =
intriguing, but scary; would push my limits,
3 = embarrassed to
admit/wanting to try it,
4 = I like this,
5 = This
activity is a Wild Turn ON!
If you do not know the meaning
of the word simply say so. answer it from a Submissive point of view. Keep
in mind this is for NOW only. Your limits and desires will change over
time. The answers are simply for the here and now.
Corporal:
Spanking/hand
Paddles;
leather
wooden
Belt/strap
switch/branch
Floggers;
deerskin
leather
braided
rubber
knotted
single lash
taws
plastic rod
cane
(rattan)
Bondage:
mental
silk
scarves
nylon rope
cotton
rope
chains
leather
Spandex
plastic
wrap
body bags
gags
leather
cuffs
steel shackles
arm sleeves
straight
jackets
breast bondage
genital
bondage
infibulation
spreader bars
ceiling/wall
hoods
cages
slings/swings
stocks/pillory
crosses
suspension
(on toes)
suspension (full)
outdoor
setting
indoor setting
semi-public
setting
private setting
1-3 hour duration
3-6
hour duration
overnight duration
Torture & Sensory
Deprivation:
blindfolds
hoods
headphone/ear-plugs
tickling
feathers
& fur
sexual teasing
sexual denial
chastity
belt
pinching
hair pulling
nipple
clips
clothes pins
genital
torture
weights
cock rings
ball
stretchers
water torture
ice
oils, lotions,
spices
hot wax
fire and
ice
needles
cuttings
abrasion
electric
torture
Sex:
digital
sex
directed masturbation
vaginal sex
oral
sex
vibrator/dildo
strap-ons
anal
sex
anal plug
multiple
penetration
anilingus
vaginal fisting
anal
fisting
fantasy rape
directed
bisexuality
threesome
group
Humiliation & Exhibition:
foot
kissing
kneeling
crawling
lead on
leash
dirty words
verbal abuse
public
embarrassment
face slapping
cross
dressing
secret sex in public
public
display
public sex
public
whipping
infantilism
golden
shower
enema
Dress &
Adornment:
innocent
slutty
prim and
proper
ultra-feminine
official domina
goddess
uniform
French
maid
child/baby
slave
macho
biker
leather
spandex
rubber/latex
masks/hoods
costumes
lingerie
garters/stockings
corsets/cinches
boots
high
hells
tattooing
body
piercing
branding
Comments and added
items:_____
Power Exchange
Checklist
--------------------------
Write: Yes , No, Maybe, Hard Limit, Soft Limit, or anything that
comes to mind after each word.
If you do not know the meaning of the
word simply say so. Answer it from a Submissive point of view.
Keep in mind this is for NOW only. Your limits and desires will
change over time. The answers are simply for the here and now.
Abrasion:
Age play:
Anal sex:
Anal plugs (small):
Anal plugs
(large):
Anal plug (public, under clothes):
Animal
roles:
Arm & leg sleeves (arm binders):
Asphyxiation:
Auctioned for charity:
Bathroom use
control:
Bestiality:
Beating (soft):
Beating
(hard):
Blindfolds:
Being serviced (sexual):
Being bitten:
Breast/chest bondage:
Breath
control:
Branding:
Boot worship:
Bondage
(light):
Bondage (heavy):
Bondage
(multi-day):
Bondage (public, under clothing):
Breast
whipping:
Brown showers (scat):
Cages (locked inside
of):
Caning (light):
Caning (heavy):
Caning
(ass):
Caning (back):
Caning (full body):
Catheterization:
Cells/Closets (locked inside of):
Chastity belts:
Chauffeuring:
Choking:
Clothespins:
Cock worship:
Collars (worn in
private):
Collars (worn in public):
Competitions (with
other Subs):
Corsets (wearing):
Cuffs
(leather):
Cuffs (metal):
Cutting:
Dilation:
Double penetration:
Electricity:
Enemas:
Enforced chastity:
Examinations
(physical):
Exercise (forced/required):
Exhibitionism
(friends):
Exhibitionism (strangers):
Eye contact
restrictions:
Face slapping:
Fantasy
abandonment:
Fantasy rape:
Fantasy
gang-rape:
Fisting (anal):
Fisting
(vaginal):
Flogging (back):
Flogging (ass):
Flogging (full body):
Flogging (soft):
Flogging
(hard):
Following orders:
Foot worship:
Forced dressing:
Forced homosexuality:
Forced
heterosexuality:
Forced masturbation:
Forced nudity
(private):
Forced nudity (around others):
Forced
servitude:
Full head hoods:
Gags (clothe):
Gags (rubber):
Gags (tape):
Gates of Hell
(male):
Genital sex:
Given away to another Dom
(temp):
Given away to another
Dom (perm):
Golden
showers:
Hairbrush spankings:
Hair pulling:
Hand jobs (giving):
Hand jobs (receiving):
Harems
(serving w/other subs):
Harnessing (leather):
Harnessing (rope):
Having food chosen for you:
Having
clothing chosen for you:
Head (giving fellatio):
Head
(receiving fellatio):
High heel worship:
Homage with
tongue (non-sexual):
Hot oils (on genitals):
Hot
waxing (full body):
Hot waxing (genitals):
Housework
(doing):
Human puppy dog:
Humiliation
(private):
Humiliation (public):
Hypnotism:
Ice cubes:
Infantilism:
Initiation rites:
Injections:
Intricate (Japanese) rope bondage:
Interrogations:
Kidnapping:
Kneeling:
Leather clothing:
Leather restraints:
Lectures for
misbehavior:
Licking (non-sexual):
Manacles &
Irons:
Manacures (giving):
Massage (giving):
Massage (receiving):
Medical scenes:
Modeling for
erotic photos:
Mouth bits:
Mummification:
Nipple clamps:
Nipple weights:
Oral/anal play
(rimming):
Over-the-knee spanking:
Orgasm
denial:
Orgasm control:
Outdoor scenes:
Outdoor sex:
Phone sex (serving Dom):
Phone sex
(serving Dom's friends):
Piercing (temporary,
play-pierce):
Piercing (permanent):
Prison
scenes:
Pony slave:
Public exposure:
Pussy/cock whipping:
Pussy worship:
Riding
crops:
Riding the "horse" (crotch tort.):
Rituals:
Religious scenes:
Restrictive rules on
behavior:
Rubber/latex clothing:
Rope body
harness:
Saran wrapping:
Scratching -
getting:
Scratching - giving:
Sensory
deprivation:
Serving:
Serving as art:
Serving as ashtray:
Serving as furniture:
Serving as a
maid:
Serving as toilet:
Serving as
waitress/waiter:
Serving orally (sexual):
Serving
other doms (supervised):
Serving other
doms(unsupervised):
Sexual deprivation (short term):
Sexual deprivation (long term):
Shaving (body hair):
Shaving (head hair):
Sleep deprivation:
Sleepsacks:
Slutty clothing (private):
Slutty clothing
(public):
Spanking:
Spandex clothing:
Speech
restrictions (when, what):
Speculums (Anal):
Speculums
(vaginal):
Spreader bars:
Standing in
corner:
Stocks:
Straight jackets:
Strap-on-dildos (sucking on):
Strap-on-dildos (penetrated
by):
Strap-on-dildos (wearing):
Strapping (full body
beating):
Suspension (upright):
Suspension
(inverted):
Suspension (horizontal):
Supplying new
partners for Dom.: Swallowing semen:
Swallowing urine:
Swapping (with one other couple):
Swinging (multiple
couples):
Tattooing:
Teasing:
Tickling:
Triple penetration:
Uniforms:
Including others:
Vaginal dildo:
Verbal
humiliation:
Vibrator on genitals:
Voyeurism (watching
others):
Voyeurism (your Dom w/others):
Video
(watching others):
Video (recordings of you):
Water
torture:
Wearing symbolic jewelry:
Whipping:
Wooden paddles:
Wrestling:
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