Six minutes of pure silliness.

For I am armed. I just made this giant syringe with full-action in-out plunger! — ain’t it great? I love kindergarten-type crafts! Here’s my sticky tape and scissors! Hear me roar!

poke poke poke

However, a novel has been rolling around in my head for some (very long) time, and perhaps — just perhaps — it’s time to pull some of those words out onto paper.

So here’s my page on the NaNoWriMo site. Drop by and giggle. Befriend me if you’re also doing a NaNoWriMo idiocy novel-writing spree. And forgive me if I’m slow in getting back to you about social occasions.

I’m looking for a couple of props for me and T’s performance at the OddBall on the 31st.

One would be a portable massage table, or some similar strong portable table-like thing that can be sat upon by a small person, but which is light enough to be easily carried.

The other would be an IV stand. Any shape, colour, size, condition, as long as it’s freestanding….

Got anything like that that you’d be willing to lend? Props could be picked up and returned to you in a timely fashion, and there will be no breakage or gore splashes.

With hopeful thanks…

- Elaine

ps
some stuff about the performance (we’re on first, cos we’ve got a crowded stage!)
http://elainemiller.com/blog/performances/2008/were-performing-at-the-oddball-oct-31/
http://theoddballcouver.blogspot.com/2008/10/taiko-with-dangerous-twist.html
http://theoddballcouver.blogspot.com/

I’m helping get the word out for Anna Camilleri, who will be visiting us from Toronto in October. If you don’t already know who she is, check out her website — she’s just the most remarkable queer femme with some astonishing writing chops. No, I don’t mean lamb chops. Scroll down past the image and the writeup, and hit the “more” tag for all the cool things folks are saying about how teacheriffic she is.

http://www.annacamilleri.com/bio.html

Registrations are on sale now.

CREATIVE LICENSE:

Writing Bootcamp for Queers | Vancouver

a day-long workshop intensive with Anna Camilleri

Sunday October 26, 11am-5pm (w/ a 45 minute lunch break)

Do you want to write but are having trouble breaking through the “noise”?

The initial stage of writing can be frustrating and lonely, and just the mention of the “first-draft” may inspire a litany of Bs: blank, blocked, and bland. Creative License is a one-day intensive workshop for all queer writers: beginning, experienced, and stalled.

Designed to offer participants tools for entering writing with curiosity, Creative License is based in a series of directed writing practices in a supportive group setting. The emphasis is on generating new writings, mining our imaginations, experimenting with voice and form, and working with story elements for fiction and creative non-fiction.

Arrive with an open mind and leave with a stack of new writing.

The Details
$65 (non-refundable) fee includes materials
Sunday October 26, 2008 | 11am-5pm | wheelchair accessible | max 15 participants
Registration and pre-payment at Little Sister’s, 1238 Davie Street, #604-669-1753
Location: The Roundhouse, Room A, 181 Roundhouse Mews, Vancouver

Please direct inquiries to Anna Camilleri at reddressproductions@gmail.com

Read the rest of this entry »

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The OddBall is always the best dance party in town! Last one ever — better come make memories! Also, I’m on stage with T doing some spooky thing. We’re on at 8:45, so come early!

From:
http://theoddballcouver.blogspot.com/

Die, Odd Ball! Die!!! After four fun-tastic years we’re throwing our final party on Halloween night. Featuring… ghoulish go-go dancers, eye-popping performances and our ever-popular costume contest!

Dance to the sounds of Odd Ball faves, including DJ Titz McGee, and special guest Buzy B.

Performances by VaVa Vunderbust, Isolde N. Barron, DKUnited, Elaine Miller and taiko drummer Ronin T.
Come party with us and celebrate Odd Ball’s final “scream” at the WISE Hall (1882 Adanac St @ Victoria Drive)

Friday October 31, 2008
8pm-1am
10 bucks flat rate. No advance tickets - tix ONLY at the door so come early. Treats for folks waiting in the line-up.
Sorry, no minors.
Limited wheel-chair access through the rear doors: please contact organizers in advance if you have accessibility needs. oddball@michaelvsmith.com

Thanks to XtraWest for being the Odd Ball’s media sponsor. And to our community partners; YouthCo, Rhizome Cafe, The Kiss Store and Spartacus Gym.

http://theoddballcouver.blogspot.com/2008/10/taiko-with-dangerous-twist.html

In case the word hadn’t filtered around to you yet, there ain’t no Bride of Pride party this fall. Our venue goofed on the space reservation, and we weren’t able to made a deal that worked for us.

Watch for us at Easter!

Caveat: Forthcoming meandering.

A friend lately was telling me how calm I appear. Pretty true, I guess. For the most part I’m a low-stress kinda gal. But it got me thinking about stuff that makes me tense, and I came up with a silly one, which I’ll share with you here.

So, I think audio books are a great idea, and I would love to be able to listen to ‘em. Imagine inhaling your favourite novel through your ears while doing other things with your hands and your eyes! Like… laundry folding. Like chainmail-making. Wow. Think of the possibilities.

But there’s things other than my borderline case of APD getting in my way. I have an impatience problem.

See, I read at somewhere around 700 words a minute. Now, before you say, like (seriously) nearly everyone does, “Oh, yes, but I like to really enjoy what I’m reading.”, I’ll add that this is my average novel-reading speed, computed by the number of words in a novel divided by how long I spent reading it, while wallowing in the tub, dangling in a hammock, or kicking back on my couch. I didn’t hurry along in my reading, skim solely for salient facts on the page, or stop an imaginary timer when I got up to pee or make more tea or kiss my lover or answer the phone or pet my cats, either. It’s just my average, what-a-good-book-this-is-I’m-really-enjoying-it reading speed.

According to Wikipedia, audiobooks sorta average out at 150 words per minute.

Although I love going to author’s readings and like having loved ones read stories to me, a recorded audiobook makes my blood pressure rise as soon… as… the… molasses-slow… introduction… begins. It’s the torturous equivalent of wishing to leave the house to go for a walk, putting on your coat, and standing by the door, and asking your grandfather to tie up your Doc Martens for you. Imagine him slooowly getting out of his rocker. Imagine him finding his walking stick, hobbling over, bending over your boots, and squinting at the mess of laces. Imagine his hands shaking as he picks up one lace loop after another, trying to find the end with the aglet.

Ready to scream, yet? Yeah, me too. I can do it myself faster! I could be already walking through the autumn leaves, breathing the crisp air. I just want to get going on that walk novel.

There, wasn’t that a nice neurosis?

To make it extra ironic… didya know I’ve earned money by reading text aloud? Yes, somewhere out there, my recorded mellifluous tones are pissing off some fast reader.

I have two cats. And I love them both.

There, I’ve admitted it.

Random, the elder of the two, is a stringy Siamese with an incredible force of will and a shocking desire to adore humans. His interests include everything I’m doing, whether it be sleeping, eating (Is that mine? Is it tuna?), plumbing, or moving furniture (Sorry, was I in your way? Oh, I still am? How about now?). He’s such a lovebug that he’s capable of sitting on my lap for hours at a time, staring up at me. When I glance down and our eyes meet, his purr starts up as if eye contact is the on-off switch. If I would consent to wear Random as a scarf all day, he’d be thrilled.

BartholeMEW is a fat brown tabby with some serious self-control issues. His interests include food, food, food and catnip. Or maybe that’s the other way ’round. He’s also fairly high on the adoration scale. If I’m sleeping in a room with the door closed, he sits outside and howls. When I walk into the room where he’s snoozing, he stretches his paws out at me in a gesture of benediction, trills a squeaky little mew, and presents his lush leopard-spotted belly for rubs.

Often, when one of the cats is sitting beside me or on me, I reach out and pet his little furry noggin as he looks up and points his whiskers at me in the benevolent feline smile, and I tell him he’s the best cat ever. The most amazing cat. The smartest, most beautiful, most fuzztacular cat ever.

Doesn’t matter which cat I’m speaking to. Doesn’t matter whether the other cat is close by to overhear. They both know that I’m telling the truth every… single… time.

I’m reading here… something wee and new. Really new. So new I’m still blowing eraser dust off the paper. That new. Coming?

- Elaine

(facebookiness)

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This Thursday, don’t miss the most OBSCENE cabaret-style literary event in Vancouver — Memewar Magazine’s Dirty Little Release Party!

We’re celebrating our Obscenity/Censorship Issue with a choc-a-bloc and totally packed show for your enjoyment! The show STARTS EARLY and ENDS LATE to suit bedtimes and night owls, and will include some of Vancouver’s finest burlesquers, writers, slammers and musicians!

The clothes start coming off at 8:45pm, so bring your sexy selves and support your favourite free literary magazine!

$10
8:30pm
Railway Club

See you there!
Memewar Magazine
www.memewaronline.com
——————–

See y’all on Monday!

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adapted from Danny Boy (trad) by Elaine Miller

Oh Tranny boy, the cel phone, it is ringing
I chase it to the livingroom and hall
The ringing stops, and the house phone starts its calling
‘Tis you, ’tis you, and I think I missed your call.

But call ye back ’cause the phones are in my lap now
This time I’ll hear that ring and answer
And I’ll be here, just yearning for your voice, now
Oh Tranny boy, oh Tranny boy, I love you so.

And when you call, I’ll feel my heartbeat flying
And I will hear, and speak to you with glee
You are the one I want the most, and I ain’t lyin’
And we’ll see each other in a day or three

Then I shall wait, impatient at the airport
Until then my dreams are of you, sweet boy
And on the phone, you’ll hear me say I love thee
I’ll simply hold that thought until you fly to me.

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“Danny Boy” karaoke music, for those who like to sing along:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nQncqR9WN4

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